I can't live like this anymore

"Everything was fine in elementary school, but that changed in high school. I started high school, but received poor grades. That was unfamiliar to me, and I became confused. I experience emotions intensely because I am highly sensitive. It became overwhelming."

"Halfway through his first year, Thijs had to change classes, even though his grades were sufficient to continue. "These decisions were made for me. I felt lonely and didn’t know what to do with myself. I had no outlet for my emotions, except by harming myself. Cutting my arms gave me a brief sense of relief, but the loneliness remained."

"When I heard I had to go to a different class, I begged my parents for a psychologist. They didn’t see how I was feeling and didn’t think it was necessary. My parents had no idea what I was going through, so they didn’t understand why I needed a psychologist. They refused."

"Life just felt over; I didn’t care about anything anymore. So, I tried to cut my throat, but I didn’t succeed. Even though it was the middle of summer, I wore a turtleneck so no one would see. If people asked, I told them I was cold."

"No one saw how bad things were. It wasn’t until the autumn break that I dared to tell my parents. I was finally allowed to see a psychologist. I had therapy for two years. Those sessions helped me understand where my emotions came from and how to cope with them better."

"In the past years, I’ve been in therapy for this situation. At first, I felt nothing about my attempt; for the first few years, I didn’t want to feel anything about it. It was a form of self-protection, but through therapy, I completely revisited the situation and relived everything."

"It happened, and it’s unfortunate that it did. I have come to terms with it, but it’s something you carry with you. It holds a certain weight, but now that I’ve given it a place, it’s okay."

"Throughout my whole youth, I had depressive periods. When I moved out and started studying, it came back. My relationship ended, and I became confused again. It felt like all my efforts were meaningless. I really wanted to die. I immediately fell back into the whole suicidal cycle."

"Still, I knew I had to seek help. First, I went to my doctor, and later, I was referred to a specialist. It took 1.5 years before I received treatment. In the meantime, I worked on myself and didn’t remain stagnant. By then, I was no longer suicidal due to the things I had developed myself, but I was still depressed. Controlling my sleep and diet, making music, writing, and exercising helped me keep going and made everything bearable—especially during the waiting period for help."

"My minor in school called Outdoor Experience helped me tremendously. During hikes, I constantly confronted myself, but I allowed it and chose to face it. By the end of that minor, I realized: this is one of the happiest periods of my life. After that, I spent seven weeks in Ghana. It was intense, but it helped me grow."

"During my time in Ghana, I had to rely on myself. Personal development was central. It felt like everything changed so fast."

"With therapy and the support of a good therapist, I started feeling better and better. Now, I feel good about myself. That was necessary; otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to enter my current relationship."

"Many men struggle with their emotions but don’t talk about them. I am lucky to be sensitive in that sense and to have the need to share my emotions and my story. Many men don’t learn that and don’t know how to express their emotions."

"I notice that there is still a taboo around men and mental health. There is an expectation to be strong and solve everything yourself. But suppressing emotions doesn’t help. In fact, talking about them allows you to grow."

"When I was eleven and attempted suicide, I prayed to God: ‘I know You exist, but not for me. I can’t understand how You could let someone go this deep. I need Your help, and You know that because I told You. But if nothing happens, then who are You?’ There was no answer, and I let go of my faith. But when I was fifteen, I experienced God personally. Since then, my faith has been my anchor. I know He holds my life in His hands, and that gives me peace."

"My faith has helped me find joy in life again. Now I know I am not alone, and that gives me strength. Praying helps me find peace in difficult moments."

"It’s important to talk to the people around you. I was often shocked by the weight of my emotions, as if feeling that way was wrong or forbidden. That’s something I remind myself of, but also other men."

"Even if you generally feel good, there will still be moments when you sink into a deep low. But you don’t have to be alarmed by that. It’s normal, and it’s okay. Just because you feel bad for a moment doesn’t mean something is seriously wrong."